R.I.P

This morning a young man with the age of only 19, was found frozen by a lake. He fell and hit his head, thereafter froze to death. This young man belonged to a small town, small school, small society and a small church. But within this society all the people, they all have such big hearts and they are very supportive in everything you do. When somethings go wrong, they're always there ready to help you with whatever you need. This young man will always be remembered. All his friends, family and people he went to high school with are sharing his greatness and kindness. Sharing the memories they had with him,  or just take their time to say: rest in peace, you were and will always be loved.
The kids always have the nicest things to say in these kind of situation. I never thought I would end up in a school like that, but I'm absouloty thankful for that I did!
This kid who just passed away, he was the first guy to ever take me out on a date. It was on homecoming last year, a night I'll never forget not  I ever forget him.
I couldn't believe it when I heard the news. I'm absouloty speechless.
May God be with his family and friends.
- Remember always to say I love you

L O V E

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 
- Bob Marley

Put the smile back on

My host dad told me before I left the states that I should go home and keep smiling like I always did, and be that happy positive girl that he had become to know. I promised him that I would try my best to do it, but it was a lot harder than I could ever imagine!
The last few months I've been depressed and crappy and unsatisfied with almost everything. I started dating this one guy who made me laugh, but he also pulled me far down when I found out that he left me for another girl. I really thought that he was something else than he turned out to be, so I got really hurt.
There only one person in my life who can actually lift me up and the only one who can but that real smile back on my face - and I am so thankful for him and that I have him in my life! I love him. No matter what he can always make me laugh!
Now finally - thanks to him, I can go trough the days. With a smile on my face like I was use to, and now I can keep my promise that I made with my dad!
Feeling blessed and loved

Exactly what I didn't want to happen

For a week ago I was at a festival having fun with my friends, drinking was a part of it too. My purpose wasn't to go and find me a cute nice guy who might bf potential, but just to have fun and nothing else. First I made out with a really nice guy and good looking the first day, he even got my number which is something I don't just give because i usually don't want anything to do with them after - but whatever he was a exception. Well after I walked away from him I made out with two other guys that night. The next and last day I made out with a lot of guys. I met up with this first guy again that night too, we made out again and talked for a while. Then I went somewhere else with my friends, and ofc I made out with another guy there too. Early in the morning before I went home, I was talking again with the first guy - one of my friends told him that he's lucky if he didn't get herpes.. I told him not to believe what my friend said. Before I said goodbye, he asked if it was true - that I had made out with many other guys... I was scared of telling the truth, because if he knew he wouldn't like me, so I lied and said that there was only one other guy besides him. Didn't think he would ever find out. I've never been so wrong before, and yet I was right - because now he doesn't want to talk to me or anything. Usually I don't fall for guys easily, most of the time I'm cold and don't let guys come close to me because I'm scared that I will end up getting hurt, so I just push all my feelings aside.
This time.. This time it was different, he really hit a soft spot in me and I want to get to know him better, but of course I just had to screw it up. Now I can't stop thinking about him and wanting to text him all the time.. I can see the way he texts back that he really doesn't care for me at all and it hurts it really hurt now...

A new capture in my life

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of a new capture in my life, I'm starting my first year in a different school where there are a lot of unknown faces. I'm pretty scared, it's scarier than leaving for my exchange. I wish I was there right now.. On my exchange in my host country with all the friends I made there. All the Rotarians, we're all one big family and I'm never gonna get that any other place I will go. We Rotarians, we understand each other even if we are so different and come from so different backgrounds, but we're all the same!
Tomorrow when I step into the school, I'm gonna make new friends - some people I'm not gonna tolerate some people I will avoid and some people I will love and they will be my friends. I don't know who the relationship with my teachers is going to be, but during my exchange I was really close to most of my teachers. They didn't just learn me what we had to do in school, but also about life. I don't know if it's gonna be the same or even close to the same.
I know that I'm gonna make it trough these 3 year, but I also know that it's not gonna be without struggle and hard work. But at the end I will finish with a cap on my head and I will wear it with pride!

Trouble finding out who we are

“Most people don’t know who they are, that’s why they lie. They’re afraid someone else will figure it out before they do.” – One Tree Hill

Who am I?

People may know who I am, they think I'm this outgoing person that isn't afraid of anything or meeting new people or doing new things. The truth is that some of those people that I am really close to, they don't know me a 100%. Because even if I might seem this happy and outgoing person, that's all big act. Inside of me I am insecure and I'm having a hard time connecting with people, truly. Maybe I'm just a good actres or maybe I don't even know myself? I've changed throughout the years I've grown and so has my personality, but I still have that little sense of shy and insecurity deep inside of me that no one know about because I'm afraid of telling people. I'm always the one who's talking the most, but sometimes I just wish to be quiet and listen to what other people have too say. But everytime I'm not talking my friends say that there is something wrong and that's not the Normal "me". Sometimes I wish I could change what people saw in me, but I don't know how now since I don't even know if it's me who doesn't know who I really am or if it's the people around me?