Exactly what I didn't want to happen

For a week ago I was at a festival having fun with my friends, drinking was a part of it too. My purpose wasn't to go and find me a cute nice guy who might bf potential, but just to have fun and nothing else. First I made out with a really nice guy and good looking the first day, he even got my number which is something I don't just give because i usually don't want anything to do with them after - but whatever he was a exception. Well after I walked away from him I made out with two other guys that night. The next and last day I made out with a lot of guys. I met up with this first guy again that night too, we made out again and talked for a while. Then I went somewhere else with my friends, and ofc I made out with another guy there too. Early in the morning before I went home, I was talking again with the first guy - one of my friends told him that he's lucky if he didn't get herpes.. I told him not to believe what my friend said. Before I said goodbye, he asked if it was true - that I had made out with many other guys... I was scared of telling the truth, because if he knew he wouldn't like me, so I lied and said that there was only one other guy besides him. Didn't think he would ever find out. I've never been so wrong before, and yet I was right - because now he doesn't want to talk to me or anything. Usually I don't fall for guys easily, most of the time I'm cold and don't let guys come close to me because I'm scared that I will end up getting hurt, so I just push all my feelings aside.
This time.. This time it was different, he really hit a soft spot in me and I want to get to know him better, but of course I just had to screw it up. Now I can't stop thinking about him and wanting to text him all the time.. I can see the way he texts back that he really doesn't care for me at all and it hurts it really hurt now...

A new capture in my life

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of a new capture in my life, I'm starting my first year in a different school where there are a lot of unknown faces. I'm pretty scared, it's scarier than leaving for my exchange. I wish I was there right now.. On my exchange in my host country with all the friends I made there. All the Rotarians, we're all one big family and I'm never gonna get that any other place I will go. We Rotarians, we understand each other even if we are so different and come from so different backgrounds, but we're all the same!
Tomorrow when I step into the school, I'm gonna make new friends - some people I'm not gonna tolerate some people I will avoid and some people I will love and they will be my friends. I don't know who the relationship with my teachers is going to be, but during my exchange I was really close to most of my teachers. They didn't just learn me what we had to do in school, but also about life. I don't know if it's gonna be the same or even close to the same.
I know that I'm gonna make it trough these 3 year, but I also know that it's not gonna be without struggle and hard work. But at the end I will finish with a cap on my head and I will wear it with pride!

Trouble finding out who we are

“Most people don’t know who they are, that’s why they lie. They’re afraid someone else will figure it out before they do.” – One Tree Hill

Who am I?

People may know who I am, they think I'm this outgoing person that isn't afraid of anything or meeting new people or doing new things. The truth is that some of those people that I am really close to, they don't know me a 100%. Because even if I might seem this happy and outgoing person, that's all big act. Inside of me I am insecure and I'm having a hard time connecting with people, truly. Maybe I'm just a good actres or maybe I don't even know myself? I've changed throughout the years I've grown and so has my personality, but I still have that little sense of shy and insecurity deep inside of me that no one know about because I'm afraid of telling people. I'm always the one who's talking the most, but sometimes I just wish to be quiet and listen to what other people have too say. But everytime I'm not talking my friends say that there is something wrong and that's not the Normal "me". Sometimes I wish I could change what people saw in me, but I don't know how now since I don't even know if it's me who doesn't know who I really am or if it's the people around me?